This past week has been such an emotional rollercoaster. The moment that Obama was announced as our President-Elect was nearly indescribable. We shouted and laughed and then I spent the next two days spontaneously weeping on and off. I listened to a  radio show where people from the UK, Armenia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Mexico, Canada, Honduras, and Kenya all called in to congratulate us, to share our joy with us. When I think of how symbolic Obama’s presidency will be not only for us, but the whole world–well, it still makes me tear up.

On the other hand, California’s Proposition 8–which proposed to eliminate same-sex marriage rights from the Californian Constitution–seems to have passed, at least until the absentee ballots are counted in December. I really can’t describe the utter devastation that I, and so many other LGBTQ people, feel right now. Aside from the confusion of what will happen to previously existing same-sex marriages, and how equal rights organizations will challenge it within our courts, the complexity of emotions is rather draining. I feel so proud of our country, and so ashamed of my state. We overwhelmingly voted to increase the life satisfaction of chickens, but were split even when it came to basic human rights. And when you consider that Proposition 4–which would have required parental notification of the planned abortions of minors–was voted down, a decidedly liberal action, the situation just becomes bizarre and paradoxical.

I’m still trying to move past the other, more individualistic impacts this election had on my life. In the last month, I’ve had to delete several blogs from my RSS feed after they participated in excessive liberal-bashing. I’ve also had to  de-friend many people on MySpace and Facebook, after they expressed an ignorance and vitriol that I simply don’t want in my life. Make no mistake, I can respect Republican points-of-view on many subjects; however, I refuse to tolerate people who fall under the zealotry of the religious right, or express outright hate and ignorance. I simply don’t want to know people who post pictures of Obama with demon horns, or who call him the antichrist and a terrorist. I don’t want to be friends with people who claim to represent “true” democracy, while refusing to acknowledge that democracy means everyone has an opinion and should receive a chance at power–not just those who agree with you.

In many ways, I feel fundamentally different. Having never before experienced the sort of seething hatred that I’ve now had directed at me, I’m still struggling with my own feelings of anger and resentment. I’m still biting back the impulse to scream at people, to react to their discrimination and hatred with my own nastiness and insults. But I’m trying really, really hard to channel that anger into something productive. I need to protest, to volunteer, to surround myself with people who feel as betrayed by their neighbors as I do.

I’ve seen many people write that they were going to stay above the fray of politics in their online spaces. I’m jealous of them. I wish I had the option to turn my head and ignore the people I disagree with. It would be so much easier to close my eyes and treat everyone the same regardless of what political places they were coming from. But I can’t. My identity is inherently political, and can’t just be left at the door. When people are discussing my fundamental rights, and trying to determine my future as an equal citizen, they are evaluating my worth as a human being. Deciding that my opinions and feelings are less worthy of consideration, whether it’s because of my sexual orientation or religion or political persuasion, is a decision I am not afforded the luxury of ignoring.

I can tell you one thing: Obama’s election is only the start, and it will take action on everyone’s part to make sure that changes really do happen. We saw that grassroots organizing can have an effect larger and more immediate than any of us might have previously imagined. No matter what happens in my life during the next four years, I can assure you that I intend to be a part of the activism that Obama has motivated many of us to do. Whether it’s the repeal of Prop 8, or more nationally-based issues, if we fight for them, the changes will come. And it’s time they did.

Crap, I am so tired and have so much work to do that there is no logical reason for me to be online at all, let alone writing. And yet…ta-da! Here I am. I’ll keep it brief with a list of random thoughts/updates:

- Applying to grad school is kicking my ass–so much so that I just wrote “quicking” instead of “kicking.” Seriously, there are not enough hours in the day to plan and prepare for everything I need to do and take a full course load that is so reading-intensive. But! This weekend I took the GRE (Graduate Record Exam) after a month of erratic preparation, and I didn’t do as bad as I thought I would. I got a 580/800 on verbal, and a 570/800 on quantitative (not sure on my analytical writing score yet), so I think I’m somewhere between the 80-90th percentiles. My math score is seriously amazing, because 1) I haven’t taken math in 5 years, am bad at it to begin with, and only starting studying for it a week before the test, and 2) I guessed on like, every single question. I’m disappointed in my verbal score, but I blame it on this other girl in the testing center who was seriously pounding on every fucking keyboard key like she was playing goddamn Whack-a-Mole. I lost 5 minutes of time because I literally could not read the questions because she was so distracting and infuriating. But at least I’m done with it.

- So, yeah, grad school! I’m applying mostly to Sociology Ph.D. programs, mostly ones that specialize in Gender and Sexuality. My number one choice is UC Santa Barbara, but I’m also applying to UC Santa Cruz and University of Washington (for Fall 2010, so I can take a year off/establish residency in WA). My back-up is San Diego State’s Women’s Studies MA program.

- My classes this quarter: Social Roles and Interaction, Intro to Criminology, Women, Politics, and Social Movements, and my favorite, Queer Studies and Movements. My professor from that class is seriously awesome, and she graduated from and taught in the UCSB program I’m in love with. But all my classes have crazy heavy reading, and some long-ass papers to write that are all due the same week. So yikes about that.

- In 9 minutes it’s officially my birthday and I’m 22! Yay for old age.

- True Blood is seriously fucking awesome. Go watch it now. It’s my new favorite show, and really the only one I am super-excited to see every week, other than It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The Office. Dexter, Fringe, HIMYM. . . all very “eh” so far. Even Project Runway has blown this season.

- Oh, but I am also freaking in love with Keith Olbermann and (especially) Rachel Maddow. And I go to sleep listening to Thom Hartmann’s radio show. I’m a total election/economy junkie. At any given moment I have like, a progressive/liberal news needle hanging out of my arm. I’m about thisclose from starting some Facebook drama by calling out the few Republican friends I have; I just want someone to tell me why they don’t like Obama without using the words “threaten,” “freedom,” “Muslim,” or “terrorist.” For reals.

- So much more to say, but I desperately need some sleep. If anyone is curious as to what I’m to up on a daily basis, I’ve been Plurking regularly, and it’d be nice to see more of my friends over there (and if you’re reading this, I consider you a friend!).

I believe I mentioned in April or May that I had bought a spindle and was (struggling) to learn how to spin, yes?  Like pretty much everything else I was doing this summer, the subject wasn’t really mentioned here again. But there’s been developments. Oh yes, there’s been developments.

That, my friends, is my new Ashford Kiwi spinning wheel. (And please pay no mind to the footprints I’ve already made on the pedals. It’s one of the bad things about always being barefoot.) While I was in the deepest trenches of the sucky portion of this summer, I broke down and bought it. I wanted to spin, but every time I picked up the spindle it was just horrible and awkward for me, and no fun at all. Plus, I was admittedly a bit cranky that most everyone I knew was busy traveling around the world, while I was stuck at home watching The People’s Court and looking at grad schools. So I took a risk and plopped down 300 bucks on the chance that spinning with a wheel would be both easier and more enjoyable for me.

Happily, it immediately was.

I sped through my first yarn, not really paying any attention to technique or thickness variation or twist; I was just too excited to be bothered by the details. I ended up with roughly 80 yards of severely thick-and-thin yarn (we’re talking about super bulky suddenly becoming lace weight, here)–horrifyingly overtwisted, barely usable single-ply yarn.

I’m still proud.

But with my second bunch of roving, I was much more careful. This time, I worked on slowing down and perfecting my technique a bit more. My goal was (and still is, seeing as how I haven’t finished it) a 2-ply fingering weight, hopefully enough to make a pair of socks. I’m nearly done with the first singles, and I have to say that I’m impressed with how quickly I’ve improved (if you ignore the bad lighting):

I took this picture a couple weeks ago, so there’s much more on the bobbin now, and my spinning has become more even, even since then!

I’m loving my new hobby, and I can’t wait until I get to ply my first yarn. So there we have it: the first part of my catch-up series.

Next up: some truly epic stash acquisition porn. Quite possibly the most that’s ever been legally broadcast on a blog before.

After experiencing a few highly tumultuous weeks that completely restructured my life and left me emotionally and physically exhausted, my sleeping schedule was royally distorted. I was finding myself unable to sleep for lengths of 24+ hours, which would be followed by four-hour crashes at odd times of day. After I’d laid sleepless in my bed for hours, feeling generally tortured and frustrated by thoughts I couldn’t stop, I’d get up in the early hours of the morning and ride the exercise bike until I was too tired to be distracted by everything else that was going on. For the rest of the day I would cling to this accomplishment: nothing else was right, but I had done One Good Thing by exercising.

Eventually, I’ve come to establish a new rhythm. My day still isn’t conventional: I sleep about 4 hours a night, get up between 4 and 5 am, have a two-hour nap in the afternoon, and repeat. But the most important part of this rhythm isn’t the sleeping; it’s my Daily One Good Thing. Everyday, no matter how crappy and fragile I’m feeling, I do One Good Thing that contributes to my sense of worth and well-being. Some days that’s been turning in a bunch of assignments for my online classes; other days it’s riding 11 miles on the bike. Yesterday, it was successfully baking French bread from scratch and making a baked potato, both for the first time ever. They’re not huge accomplishments by most people’s standards, but they add up to my having a more positive attitude and lifestyle.

So everyday, as best as I can, I intend on updating this blog with something positive I did during the course of my day. These things will be relative, and might be boring/standard behavior for others, but they will always be good for me. I’ll tag this feature as The Daily Good.

Here’s to wasting no time before rebuilding after things have fallen apart.

Just when I think I’ve reached the pinnacle of frustration when it comes to America’s overly consumptive culture, I find that a new low has been hit.

They’re taking books now.

According to this article, product placement is quickly becoming common in teen and tween fiction, not only through casual references (which, incidentally, are in no shortage), but to whole series and characters being built around preexisting brand sponsorship. I think this quote from the article best sums up what’s at stake for literature:

In “Mackenzie Blue,” on the other hand, a new series aimed at 8- to 12-year-old girls from HarperCollins Children’s Books, product placement is very much a part of the plan. Tina Wells, chief executive of Buzz Marketing Group, which advises consumer product companies on how to sell to teenagers and preteenagers, will herself be the author of titles in the series filled with references to brands. She plans to offer the companies that make them the chance to sponsor the books.

Ms. Wells said she would not change a brand that she felt was at the core of a particular character’s identity merely to cement a marketing partnership. “Mackenzie loves Converse,” she said, referring to the series’s heroine and the popular sneaker brand she favors. “Does Converse want to work with us? I have no clue. But that doesn’t negate the fact that Mackenzie loves Converse.”

However, when asked what she would do if another sneaker company like Nike (one of her clients) wanted to sponsor the books, she said, “Maybe another character could become a Nike girl.”

I ask you, is nothing sacred? American culture is already so entrenched in advertising, marketing firms are searching for any way they can to capture the attention of unsuspecting consumers. In the midst of this commodity chaos, books have been the one safe haven when it comes to media and publications. But aside from the annoyance of being constantly inundated with brand names and not-so-subtle advertising–oh, and the death of real literature and the lingual arts–I’m more concerned with what it will do to the next generation that’s coming of age. At the risk of sounding old, it worries me that kids will grow up preoccupied with this rampant materialism, instead of looking to themselves and their relationships with the world around them for fulfillment.

Clearly, these issues have already been affecting us for years now. But now, when a child who looks to books for comfort and direction, as I did (and admittedly still do), will they find only vapidity and make-up brands where there were once morals and lessons? Instead of finding reassurance in literature, will they only find a reflection of themselves as consumers, existing only as potential customers? I can’t help but feel like our last refuge from commodity culture is at immediate risk.

If blogging is an act of narcissism, does having two blogs mean I’m totally self-obsessed? I was starting to think so.

So, I think a brief review is in order. This site was once (and in some ways, still is) the “official” website for my musical endeavors. However, as of late I haven’t been very productive, music-wise, and I doubt if I’ll have the time to be productive any time soon. Letting this webspace just sit here and collect virtual dust seems rather wasteful to me, but I like having it around. I also had a craft blog that I didn’t update very often. So, I decided to move the craft blog over here (all the entries from my old craft blog are archived behind this entry, which is technically the first written for this blog), in hopes of having a more active blog that encompassed all of the things I want to write about.

What do I plan to write about? Probably a little bit of everything. Random things, music things, life things, obviously crafty/knitting things, college things. . . it’s all fair game.

Part of me is concerned with maintaining the separation between myself and my musical product, since most people who navigate to this site will be directed here from my profiles on music sites; as a listener, I’ve learned to be wary of knowing too much about the person behind the songs, as that can taint my interpretation and even my enjoyment of an otherwise decent song. I haven’t quite got this part figured out yet. Since this site has been linked and bookmarked as my music site, the lines have already been blurred. So for now, just take heed if you’d prefer to experience my music on its own.

In the meantime, on to blogging!